I received a message on Facebook tonight from the mum of my youngest son's girlfriend. (They're in 4th grade so I use the term 'girlfriend' loosely.) I don't know the family well, but tonight's exchange has buoyed me. I'll let it speak for itself:

*For their safety and privacy, my son will be called T and his friends' names will be changed.

"Hi, not sure if T mentioned it, but just in case he does...Carrie said something to him today that she feels really, really badly about. She wrote him a sweet apology letter that I think she plans to give him tonight. Anyway, just thought you might want a head's up...😕 If he was hurt, just let him know that sometimes we say things without thinking that we regret later. I know she hopes he'll accept her apology. See you soon"

T had an orchestra performance tonight and we would have seen Carrie and her mum there. I didn't get this message until after the show so I didn't know to catch up with them. These are the texts that followed:

"He didn't say a word and he seems fine so I wouldn't worry! He did the same thing to another friend late last week so it's going around. 😉. They're so done with school!"

"Yes, I'm sure that's a lot of it. I did want to go into a bit more detail, just in case you want to follow up with T. [Carrie] told me that it's been kind of a rough week, and she's learned a lot. I'm going to start this conversation by just letting you know that my husband and I are possibly the most open minded people you know, though we often keep that to ourselves. Seriously, nothing offends us. But, I have been doing sexuality education in stages with the kids, so Carrie is still in the dark on a few things. I hadn't really gotten into sexuality or gender with her much (other than discussions about how some girls like other girls and vice versa). Anyway, T told her several days ago that his brother is transgendered and is now his sister, which I think confused Carrie at first, and she told him she didn't think that was "normal." He had a great response that she wasn't normal, either. She said she thought about that and told him that she thinks being different is good and that she was sorry for saying that. (I'm not happy about her initial reaction, but glad that she thought it through and came to this conclusion on her own.) Then today, she said another kid in the class was trying to understand what transgendered meant, and she told him it was a confusing thing. She said T misunderstood what she said and though she was saying his sister was a "thing," so he broke up with her. So now she feels just terrible and doesn't want to be broken up with him because she really likes him. I told her that T loves his siblings like she does and that's why he was so upset with her. I also said that the best thing she can do is try to explain to T that she didn't know what transgendered meant but now knows and thinks it's completely fine and that she is sorry for saying something that seemed hurtful. Whew, that's a lot of typing and a ton of info, but given the nature of the topic, I thought you might want to know what I'm saying to Carrie about it. If you want me to discuss anything else about it with her, just let me know!"

"Oh, bless her cotton socks. Yeah, it's a lot to take in. Our oldest child is, in fact, transgender. She only came out to T this past weekend so he is still really processing what it means, too. But, that does explain why he went from fine with it (as much as a 10 year old who has just been thrown a giant curve ball can be) to tearful about it over night. We had a big discussion about how confusing it is and that its ok to be angry, sad, confused - his feelings are legitimate, whatever they are. We had discussed possible one line rejoinders on the evening of the coming out, knowing how this will inevitably play out in [our red state], so I'm glad to see he used one of those instead of his fists. 😉Thanks for letting me know. I'll chat with him some more about it and let him know I'm aware of what happened in case he needs to debrief a little. He had been asked by our daughter not to spread the word unless it came to him from someone else but, we knew our little gossip monger wouldn't be able to resist. This will be a good way to remind him that this really isn't his information to share and that there can be real consequences. And, for what it's worth, our T called Johnny's dad a terrorist on the playground the other day so I've had similar conversations with T and Johnny's mum that you and I are having now! Isn't life a trip? I owe you a heartfelt "thank you" for being accepting and raising your daughter to be so, too! Thank you, again!"

T is in bed already so I can't chat with him at length about this until tomorrow after school. I hope that his conversation with Carrie goes well at school and that he can take away something positive away from his first experience as an advocate for C. What a position for a 10 year old to be thrown into. I know there will be many negative experiences to come on this journey but, as far as unplanned conversations with parents go, I think this is a great "first." I am so grateful for this unexpected ally.