Over a month has passed since Donald Trump became the president-elect. While the rawness has subsided, my fear has actually grown in many ways. The appointments and nominations made for his transition team and administration are disappointing and terrifying. I fear for education, the environment, health care, among so many other things. But most foremost, I fear for my child.

I never understood the paranoia of the far right. I didn't understand how they could leap to the conclusion that Obama was coming to take their guns or that their way of life was under threat. But suddenly, paranoia seems a reasonable reaction. I read today that climate scientists are busy saving federal climate change data to private servers in preparation for the possibility that the new administration could declare a "war" on science. I've read countless stories about people preparing for the worst in various federal departments and private organizations. Suddenly the left ones are the paranoid. And it seems wise.

We worked so hard to get C's documents legally changed these past few months. She now has a consular report of birth abroad and social security card with her new name and updated gender. When Trump was elected, we scrambled to send off her application for a new passport with updated name, gender and picture. And then, I had a sudden panic. What if?! What if the new administration goes on a witch hunt for trans folks? My daughter could be on a national database of trans people - it's possible already, even if not likely. But if it's not already in existence, it soon could be. What if Trump and his anti-anything-but-straight-white-and-male cohorts decide to find all the trans folk and do something? I don't know what exactly that means and I know it's paranoid, but honestly, nothing seems outside of the realm of possibility now. What if?

For now, I try to find something positive to focus on daily; C's increased estrodial dosage, her blossoming friendship with an adorable trans boy from her support group, her resilience. I try to surround myself and my family with people that love us. I reached outside of my bubble and tried to understand the position of those who voted for Trump and I was burned by the blatant ignorance, lack of concern and downright hateful behaviors of people I know. So, I'm climbing back in my bubble. I'm content in my little echo chamber for now. At the risk of throwing out every conceivable metaphor, I'll stay in here, licking my wounds. I'll peek out every now and then and see if it really is as bad as I think it is and maybe, one day, I'll be able to venture back out full time. For now, not so much.

#fear #president #election #trump