This past weekend, my daughter and a group of her LGBTQ friends went to Pride Prom. PRIDE PROM, y'all. Every year, this event is organized by club from a local high school and hosted at the local Unitarian church. Imagine in the bible belt buckle what prom season might means for LGBTQ kids. Pride Prom's tag line is "Wear what you want, bring who you want." This event means these kids can shine as their true selves in a safe place and have a night to remember.

Sidebar: I've got to brag on my kid for a minute. She is this incredible, compassionate, funny, creative, intelligent, beautiful and BRAVE creature, moving through a world that doesn't always understand her. Most of the time she does it with grace (ok, maybe not physical grace, but definitely emotional grace) and humour. Certainly more grace than I could muster if I were in her shoes.

Ok, back on track: As the kids all got ready at our house for the big night, I got to hang out with the other mums over a glass of wine. I was meeting one of the mums for the first time that night, despite having hosted her son previously, and I was interested to get to know her. I had heard some pretty horrific stories about her from my kiddo but, as with most things a teenager says, I imagined some of the drama was added in the minds of the teen. Not so in this case. This woman was a piece of work.

She was hateful. Just hateful and selfish. As the mum of a trans kid I can completely sympathize with many of the things she was saying, the roadblocks she was throwing up, but the hate was something totally new. She didn't WANT to accept her trans son. She wanted her cis daughter to "get over it and pull herself up by her bootstraps" rather than try to commit suicide. She didn't want her intolerant friends to accept her trans son and she refused to lose friendships so she demanded her child fit back in to the girl mould. She didn't like the inconvenience of doctor's appointments and support groups so she just stopped taking him. She took her son out of counseling with a trans-affirming counselor and moved him to a "christian" anti-lgbtq counselor. She refused to use his preferred name and pronouns pointedly. And all of this under the pretense of protecting him.

Yet, the following morning when she came to collect him, she was even more hateful. And she got physically aggressive with him. Displeased with a nose ring he has apparently hidden from her until now, this mum was grabbing her son violently and yelling. All in my front hallway within seconds of seeing him. If she can behave this way in the home of a stranger, what is she doing at home? All the kids watched in horror. Stricken, I didn't know whether to intervene, kick her out and risk the child never being allowed in our safe home again, or try to diffuse. I opted for the latter, fighting every gut instinct I had to get her off him. I want this boy to be allowed in our home as much as possible. I want to get him away from that beast and that will never happen if she thinks I'm a bad guy. She wants to "protect" him, but she's the biggest bully of them all.

I met with C's therapist yesterday and discussed this issue with him, and how to proceed in the best interests of this boy. I feel better with a plan in place and will do my best to keep him safe. It breaks my heart that this adorable, kind and gentle boy has been living in such hateful circumstances. It's an absolute wonder that he's even alive, truth be told. And there are countless others across the country -- and the world -- living in similar circumstances. Yes, it has been a challenge for us to "lose" our son and gain a daughter, but at the end of the day, it's not that hard. I'd do anything in exchange for my child's mental and physical health, yet so many others think only of themselves and what their "friends" will think. They can never get beyond the mentality that there is only one right way. I knew these people existed -- I've heard on support forums and groups about family members who behave this way, but I've never seen it first hand. It was chilling. This is where I give us a pat on the back. My husband and I, despite our many flaws and mistakes, are doing a pretty good job. People say it to us often and we brush it off with "You'd do the same thing if it was your child." Clearly it's not true. Not everyone would. But not everyone has the support we do.

In light of that, this morning I want to say "thank you"...

To all of you who are using our journey to educate others in a loving way:

"Last night I shared C's super happy excited lovely pic with my husband. He got a huge smile on his face (we have daughters so he is a softy when it comes to a happy girl) and asked who she was. I told him and I saw his face and knew that his heart was understanding something that in his mind challenges him. I just wanted to share because that picture was so filled with joy and honesty and it helped him to understand what i am talking about when it comes to equal rights. C is brave, her [journey] is making a difference (even though realistically she probably just wants to live her life without that responsibility) Thank you for sharing her beautiful picture and hope she had a great time!"

To those who are getting to know us in our rawness and still love us:

"I know we've never met other than here on Facebook. I want to tell you that I think C is a very brave, wonderful person! I believe people should get to live as who they feel they are and there should be more supporters of her and her friends. Go C!"

To family and friends who just send a little encouragement now and then:

"Still following your blog. Feel the heartache for you, [your husband] and C. I certainly can't pretend to understand what you go through but just wanted to say I hope you're all okay and let you know that people still read, follow and feel with you all in your journey, through your blog. Lotsa love to you all xx"

To those who understand our fear is real and are willing to stand in the gap:

"We wanted to reach out & let you know that we are here to help in any way we can. If things ever get to the point that you need to leave [the red state], our doors are always open to you. If C needs to get away to someplace, this area is pretty trans & LGBT affirming. We are more than willing to be a safe harbor, whether short or long term. To say that we're concerned is an understatement. Sending love to you and yours,"

To those of you who send us articles relating to health and politics and art and life as a trans person or advocate:

Gender Revolution by Katie Couric: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/gender-revolution-a-journey-with-katie-couric/videos/gender-revolution-a-journey-with-katie-couric2/

Trans training for doctors: https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/the-next-generation-of-doctors-will-be-better-at-treating-trans-patients

Rescinding protections for trans folks: http://www.hrc.org/blog/hrc-responds-to-reports-that-trump-administration-plans-to-rescind-trans-st

Legalizing discrimination against LGBTQ folks: https://www.thenation.com/article/leaked-draft-of-trumps-religious-freedom-order-reveals-sweeping-plans-to-legalize-discrimination/

Autism and Trans issues: https://spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/living-between-genders/

Thank you! Your positive messages allow us the strength to support our daughter and her community. Your love frees us to step out with our daughter as she is wholly without having to hide. The information you send helps us stay on top of the latest trends, political happenings and scientific findings. You, our people, help us to be the parents we are. And I think we're damn good parents with you behind us.

#violence #abuse #prom #strength #brave