I always thought, when my kids were little, that I was in the thick of it. I had no idea! The teen years are so much busier! Three busy pre-teens and teens: work schedules, social schedules, lessons, obligations, etc. and no one drives yet. <insert eye roll here>

C is learning to drive now, and if she's ready to take her test, she'll be driving in the fall. Aside from the usual concerns about setting your child free behind the wheel of a heavy machine, I've started to think about all the things that can be dangerous for a girl out there. What if she breaks down on the side of the road and an unsavory person stops to help her? What if she hasn't charged her phone and she runs out of gas? What if she gets rear-ended by someone intending to carjack her? Ok, yes, I realize these things are part rite-of-passage, part paranoia on my part, but this is stuff to consider. And there's a greater danger for a trans kid.

The other day, C was walking home from the library -- about a mile from our house -- a walk she's done hundreds of times. She passed a group of men as she walked, and didn't think much about it. But then an older teen from the group caught up with her on his bike. He asked her her name and if she'd like to go out with him. She said "thank you, and no thank you" and kept walking. Thankfully, on this occasion, "no" was understood to mean "no". But I suddenly realized I had never talked with C about how to handle herself as a woman in the world. The sad truth is women have to walk through the world aware of their surroundings. Not scared, as I told C -- there's no benefit to being scared of the world around you -- but aware. Know where the closest public building is, don't walk with ear buds in so you can hear if someone is walking behind you, pay attention to where the people are. If you feel uncomfortable, go to a public space, find the people. If you feel in danger, be loud. Walk with confidence and purpose.

The thing is, if 1 in 6 women have been sexually assaulted at some point in their lives, my daughter's chances are terrifyingly high, too. But with our daughter, we have the added layer of concern that she is trans. If a man is already unscrupulous enough to take advantage of a woman against her will, the chances are he may not be an enlightened man who would be fine with a penis beneath my daughter's skirt. Trans women are physically assaulted and murdered at shockingly high rates. By transphobics, by people who don't expect a girl to be trans, and by people who are fetishists and who seek out trans women for abuse.

I don't want C to walk through this world distrustful and scared, but she does need to be aware of the world. And she needs to be prepared for the nastiness that can rear its head -- hopefully she'll never meet it head on.

#violence #safety #fear #girl #female #assault #sexualabuse