After a few lovely days with our daughter, no depression, little compulsive behavior, limited anxiety and a fairly positive and happy outlook on life, I had a very sober reminder that we are so fortunate in our lives. I belong to several online communities for parents and allies of trans folks and, last night, as I perused Facebook before bed, I read a post that made my heart stop. Another gender non-conforming child took his own life.

Just 14. The child couldn't take the pain anymore.

Transgender youth have a far higher suicide and self-harm rate than the general population. And that is exacerbated by an unsupportive environment. People who use religion, or morals, or whatever other excuse to deny support, do so with little concern for what may lie ahead. I don't believe any parent wishes suicide or self-harm on their children. That leads me to believe that parents who refuse to accept their children's identities truly don't understand that they are putting their children at higher risk.

I have an obligation, as the parent of a trans child, to be as vocal as I can be about this issue. I have to talk loudly and openly about trans issues, about anti-trans legislation and policies. I have to write and call my legislators, I have to thank organizations that are trans-affirming. I have to fight for the rights of all trans people to be accepted for who they are. There is no such thing as a passive ally. So take action. Be vocal. Speak out against ignorant and hateful, and often just ill-informed, comments. You can truly be a part of saving lives.

But you, as an ally, also have that obligation. For the sake of the mama in Illinois -- the one who is broken today because her ex said the child couldn't wear high heels and use female pronouns and choose a new name -- please, speak up. Take action. Be vocal. Be an ally.